Lars and the Real Girl: Do we really want to replace people with AI and/or robots?

One of my very favorite movies, which happens to have the beautiful and talented Ryan Gosling as the main character, is entitled Lars and the Real Girl. It came out in 2007 and I don't think it was critically acclaimed, though the writer was nominated for an Academy Award  for best original screenplay. In my humble opinion, every last person in that movie deserved an award. Patricia Clarkson plays the family physician in this small town, and she was truly one of the most loving and wise characters in a cast of loving and kind characters. I don't want to give the whole movie away, so let me try to sum it up and then get to my point.

Lars is a shy, socially awkward young man who is lost in his own world and has difficulty connecting to his brother Gus (who is embarrassed by and put out with Lars), and his sister-in-law Karin, who desperately wants to help Lars get out of his shell.  He has a blue-collar job, and  finds some of the other male employees gawking at and trolling a website with life-size sex dolls. Lars ends up buying one and introducing his "girlfriend" Bianca to his family and then to the community. I won't ruin the movie for you, but suffice it to say, Bianca isn't all she seems to be, and, as time goes on, her inability be to human becomes a real problem for Lars, even though initially she seems to be a savior figure.

For the love of all that is good and worth your time, what is my point?? For years I have been counseling couples with problems with sexual and emotional intimacy. Not surprisingly, the most common complaints are porn or electronic devices. My mentor Terry Real calls porn "the incestuous mother--It's all about you my dear and there is no need to worry about me." No connection, no need to give back or sacrifice--just turn me on and leave me alone. Electronic devices are instant hits of gratification where we are looking for easy answers or easy ways to disconnect from our sad little lives.

Recently, I was having technical issues with my printer and an AI agent named Abby walked me through the process. "She" was patient, kind and even said, "I understand this is frustrating" when I was telling her I was frustrated. It dawned on me that I wasn't talking to a human after I apologized for being short with her! It felt real--everything about the call felt like I was talking to a human. I wasn't.  I have had clients tell me that they have consulted AI for relationship advice and for interpreting their partner's responses. To be fair, sometimes the answers from AI were indeed helpful! And yet and yet. AI does not care one wit about you. You can consult AI about how to kill yourself, how to kill others and it will tell you. Why? Because it is not human and it doesn't have the capacity, NOR WILL IT EVER, to love you, and care for you. AI cannot tell you the hard truths as a human being can when they come along side you and go through and witness your pathos, or beam and hug you when life hands you a gift. Just as in Lars and the Real Girl, it wasn't Bianca who saved Lars, it was the community. It was flesh and blood humans who patiently loved him through the strange darkness of his existence. 

Listen, I get it. We all want an easy button to push and ease our lives. There are no buttons that can do that. There is no technology that can hold you and comfort you in grief. There is no technology that can help you walk with another human and learn how to connect with them in deep and meaningful ways. We think that Bianca is the answer, but she never was and she never will be.